My Little Red Shoe
By: Tedric A. Garrison

            I tugged on Momma’s dress before she got to the door.  She looked down, smiled, picked me up and gave me a kiss.  She glanced at my tiny fist; and saw my little red shoe dangling by its string.  Michelle took me out of Momma’s arms and put me on the couch.

            “He wants his shoes on,” Momma observed.    

            Michelle rolled her eyes, “He always wants his shoes on.”

            “Except for yesterday when he threw them out the car window.” Jenny added as she wiggled my feet and made funny noises while she put my shoes on.

            Momma told my sisters to let Uncle Danny know where we were, and left for work.

            We lived in the middle of nowhere, but right across from the school.  Most of the year the playground was crowded, but in the summer we had it all to ourselves.  My sisters used to push each other on the swings high in the air.  Their hair danced in the wind and their dresses flew back like angel wings.
            They sat me in the sandbox and that got boring real quick.  I got up and almost made it to the slide.  Michelle jumped off her swing and stopped me.  I was only two; so I gave her a blank stare, and kept on walking.   

Gently she took my hand and walked me to the edge of the slide.  I thought she was going to put me on it, but no such luck.  She held my hand close and said, “No, that’s hot!”

I wasn’t really sure what “hot” meant, but the closer my hand got to that big bright shiny thing the more my hand hurt. 

            Jenny pointed to a huge cottonwood tree by the fence and took my other hand.  The three of us ran in that direction; and since Jenny was five and Michelle was seven, my feet hardly touched the ground.  The sand under the tree felt a whole lot better than the sand by the slide. When I looked up at the tree; the sun played peek-a-boo through the leaves, I laughed.  There was a light breeze, and then I heard a rushing sound I had not heard before.
            Michelle walked with me over to the fence.  On the other side was something she called an irrigation canal.  Every so often the breeze would blow a leaf into the canal and it started to float away.  “Look,” Michelle said as she pointed to the leaf, “there goes a little boat.” 
           Jenny pointed out a small hole under the fence a few yards away and the next thing I know they were passing me under it.  I guess I squirmed too much because one of my shoes got caught on the fence and I started to cry. 
           Michelle tried to distract me by taking me to the edge of the canal and pointing to the leaves again.  She took my other shoe off and sat both of them beside me.  Michelle and Jenny took their shoes off and dangled their feet in the water.  Jenny splashed some water on me and laughed.  It was cold.  I didn’t think it was funny.

I looked at the leaves, then at my shoes sitting beside me.  I picked one up and threw it into the speeding water.  I wanted to see my boat float.  Jenny thought that was hilarious and laughed so hard she started to cry.  Michelle rolled her eyes and started to follow my shoe.  Suddenly it dawned on me . . . my shoe was going away.  I got up and started to follow it too.  Jenny yelled something, and then I fell in.

My head went under real quick.  My body felt like ants were crawling all over me. I was confused, and everything went dark and cold.  I didn’t know which way was up.  There was a big splash, and then hundreds of air bubbles raced across my face.  

Michelle pulled my head up, but my eyes were still blurry.   We got tossed in the water like socks in a dryer.  Ahead was a dark hole where the water disappeared.  Michelle was smiling, until she heard that second splash. Jenny had gotten too close and slipped in too. When Michelle reached out for Jenny, my hand slipped out of hers and things started to change.
         I watched from above as the three of us suddenly became the two of them. I could see the other side of the road where the water came out.  It was loud and the water crashed down on rocks below, but no one was there.

            Michelle had Jenny under one arm and desperately grabbed some of the grass on the side of the canal to slow them down.  When Jenny got out she walked right into a sticker patch.  She was standing there crying and screaming something awful. There was a quiver in Michelle’s lower lip like she wanted to say something but didn’t know what.  She picked Jenny up out of the stickers and gently pulled them out.  Jenny raised her arms to be carried; but Michelle shook her head, “We don’t have time.”  She grabbed Jenny’s hand and ran home to get Uncle Danny. 

            When they got back, Jenny was still crying because she couldn’t keep up. Uncle Danny was sixteen.  He told Michelle to watch Jenny; and jumped right into the crashing water.  When his head came out of the darkness, he was gasping for air.  He looked at my sisters, took another deep breath and went down again. It seemed like forever before he came back up.

            A few days later; Momma found my other red shoe and put it in the box beside me.  I longed to feel the warmth of her touch. I tried to whisper in her ear, but her grief was too loud. 

            A few years later, Uncle Danny went to college.  He studied very hard and became a counselor.  He knew first hand how difficult choices about life and death could be on a family.

            Mother got married again and was happier for a little while.  But when her second husband was killed in a hunting accident, she shut down and spent the rest of her years in silence.
           My sister Michelle moved around a lot.  She had a hard time committing to anyone else, but she and Jenny stayed closer than the rest of the family.  She never really gave herself permission to be happy, but she was always there for Jenny.
          The week before Jenny got married the three of them were together again making plans.  Well to be more accurate, Jenny and Michelle were making plans; Momma just sat silently in her wheel chair like she had for the past several years. Jenny and Michelle were going through some old pictures that they could put up at the reception. 

            Jenny was the one who found it, a picture of the three of us.  She glanced at Momma and started to put it back in the bottom of the box.

            “Show her,” I whispered in her ear.

            She pulled it back out and showed it to Michelle first.  Michelle took a deep breath and nodded her head.  Jenny got up and went to Momma’s side and placed the picture in Momma’s lap.  “I think we need to invite one more person Momma.  What do you think?”

            I don’t think anyone really expected a response, but they got one none the less. 

            Momma started rocking back and forth as she looked at the picture, then she looked up and stared right at me.  Jenny was still my sister.  I wasn’t going to let a little thing like death keep me away.  But when Momma looked in my direction, I thought for just a moment, I saw that look of recognition.

            Michelle must have noticed it too, because she glanced at Momma and then also looked in my direction.  She couldn’t see me, but I could tell she was trying. 

            Jenny looked confused, “What?” she asked.

            Momma smiled as she reached down to the small pocket on the side of her chair.  Her voice shook slightly, from not having used it in so long, “Could we put these by the picture?”

She pulled out a small pair of little red shoes. 

            I knew instantly they weren’t mine, because I still had them with me.  I guess somewhere along the way, Momma had bought another pair just for the memories.  Michelle and Jenny smiled and laughed, then cried as they gave her a hug. 

            Since Momma was still in a wheel chair, Michelle pushed her down the isle by Jenny’s side, but Poppa and I were there too.  Jenny and her new love never did see us, but Momma and several others knew we were there.  They say that time heals all wounds, but I don’t know if that’s totally true.  I’ve seen thousands of people give up in despair, but it’s usually family that brings them back.  Time alone can destroy . . . only time spent with love ones can heal.